Dream?

     Ever since I read that book and found my name written in it, I have been feeling like things have changed.  I just seem to be more distant from everyone now, not hanging out like I used to, even when I am with my friends, my mind tends to wander.  I have even missed whole conversations due to it with Spooky joking that I was probably thinking of some TV show or something, but I wish I was.  It is like I try to be there, but something keeps pulling me away.

     I have also been having nightmares recently, I wake up trying to quickly sketch what I dreamt.  I have visions of my friends in pain, being tortured and dying slowly.  I see them on the ground screaming out in pain and a city on fire behind them in the distance.  I then notice someone standing over them laughing, but when I try to get close to see the person, they disappear leaving me standing in the middle of my friends all reaching for me.  I have woken up each time crying, but I find myself crying less and less with each nightmare.

     I will stand in the bathroom staring at the mirror, my clothes covered in sweat, reassuring myself that I was awake, trying to convince myself to go back to bed.  I was afraid to close my eyes again at first, sitting up the rest of the night till morning when I could go out and get my mind of off things.  I still need to let myself know it is only a dream because it feels so real, but I have come up with the courage to go back to sleep. The dream doesn’t seem to come back for the rest of the night.

     I can feel my heart sinking more and more everyday, hurting so badly some days, a hurt that just pulls at my breast as if my heart was being torn out.  I now feel I am in a constant struggle with myself, not knowing what to do or how to handle it.  Even things around me seem to be changing, I am not sure why, but things I used to find that mattered to me before are now loosing my interest.  I just don’t know, but I think this dream has something to do with it. 

     Like always it seems, I finally decide to head back to bed while telling myself that luckily it is only a dream.