I got a phone call from Bozzak, the photographer who invited me to take pictures.  He said he had shown the pictures he had taken around and had gotten “positive” feed back on them, one of them being from his contact with Victoria Secret.  I could feel I was blushing as I said “Oh my god, really?”.   He asked if I had thought anymore about it or if it was something I would consider doing.  I told him I had fun and didn’t think anything would come from it, but now hearing that someone liked it, it is something I would like to try again.  “Great” he said, “We can take some more pictures and prove it wasn’t just a fluke”.  I laughed and said “Yea”.

     He told me he had a small client that was looking to do a spread or an ad and figured if I was interested he would suggest me to them and see what they would say.  He said it was a “win-win situation, since it would help both them and me out.  With me being new, they wouldn’t need to pay as much as they would if they had a professional model work with them and would help me because I would be getting paid out if it”.  I replied “Yeah, that would be great.” trying to hide my excitement that I know I didn’t do a good job at.  He explained he would contact them and tell them about me, if they were ok with it, he asked if it would be ok if he set up an appointment for me to meet with them.  I replied again “Yeah, that would be great also.” my heart started to race and I could feel butterflies in my stomach.  He must have realized I was getting nervous again because he said I would have nothing to worry about when meeting them, that they had already chosen me and I would have to try and sell myself to them.  He added that he would also be there and take on any of the hard questions they might have, but he doubted they would have any.

     He explained a bit more about what to expect and what not to, then he said he would let me know how things went and would get back to me in a few days.  After saying good-bye and hanging up the phone, I think got the biggest smile I had ever had in my life.  I squealed out loud and said to myself, “I got to call the others!” picking up the phone as I began dialing.

January 12, 2010. Tags: , , . After Class, by Kasumi, fashion, Location: Kasumi's Home. 2 comments.


     Ever since I read that book and found my name written in it, I have been feeling like things have changed.  I just seem to be more distant from everyone now, not hanging out like I used to, even when I am with my friends, my mind tends to wander.  I have even missed whole conversations due to it with Spooky joking that I was probably thinking of some TV show or something, but I wish I was.  It is like I try to be there, but something keeps pulling me away.

     I have also been having nightmares recently, I wake up trying to quickly sketch what I dreamt.  I have visions of my friends in pain, being tortured and dying slowly.  I see them on the ground screaming out in pain and a city on fire behind them in the distance.  I then notice someone standing over them laughing, but when I try to get close to see the person, they disappear leaving me standing in the middle of my friends all reaching for me.  I have woken up each time crying, but I find myself crying less and less with each nightmare.

     I will stand in the bathroom staring at the mirror, my clothes covered in sweat, reassuring myself that I was awake, trying to convince myself to go back to bed.  I was afraid to close my eyes again at first, sitting up the rest of the night till morning when I could go out and get my mind of off things.  I still need to let myself know it is only a dream because it feels so real, but I have come up with the courage to go back to sleep. The dream doesn’t seem to come back for the rest of the night.

     I can feel my heart sinking more and more everyday, hurting so badly some days, a hurt that just pulls at my breast as if my heart was being torn out.  I now feel I am in a constant struggle with myself, not knowing what to do or how to handle it.  Even things around me seem to be changing, I am not sure why, but things I used to find that mattered to me before are now loosing my interest.  I just don’t know, but I think this dream has something to do with it. 

     Like always it seems, I finally decide to head back to bed while telling myself that luckily it is only a dream.

October 16, 2009. Tags: , , . by Kasumi, Location: Kasumi's Home. 2 comments.